did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
