she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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