how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
