Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
