Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
