i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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