: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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