we're blogging at a bar
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she told me i tasted like america
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
