I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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