Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
