More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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