what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
