Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
