Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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