Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
