Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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