How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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