my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I licked your asshole in confidence.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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