Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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