I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
