She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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