And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
