is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
