does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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