The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
