I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
