You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Farmville is her only friend.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Randomize
