A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
