Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
