i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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