bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
