My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
