yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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