Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
