just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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