dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize