Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
