man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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