I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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