If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
