apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
