Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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