The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I cut my penus on the lid.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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