i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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