How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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