before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
