I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
