White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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