feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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