Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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