ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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