Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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