if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
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