I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
