I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
