I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
