if you like me you must not know who I am
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
