Will you blow on my dice?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
