sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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