do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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