when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
