What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
