I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
