honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize