i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
