Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
