I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
