true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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