I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
