Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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