Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
