....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
