I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
