You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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