Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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